The Scribblings of Samantha Winchester
by LoveIsAllYouNeed96
Summary: My name is Samantha Winchester, and this is my journal. I thought it'd be a good idea to write all this stuff down, in case it may come in useful someday. This is our legacy. It's not really much of anything, but it's ours. Deanna hasn't stopped mocking me since I bought this thing at the Gas 'n' Sip. Mom had a journal, and she always found it useful, so why can't we have one too?
1. November 1st, 2005

My sister showed up. Unannounced of course, but that in itself is a very Deanna. Before this, we hadn't spoken to each other in four years. Well, there was the occasional Deanna drunk dial, but apart from that, nothing. So when your sister breaks into your apartment at 1AM in the morning, you know something's wrong.

Turns out it's Mom. She was on a hunting trip, but hadn't checked in with Deanna in a couple of days, which led her to make the drive to Cali to come and get me. I was hesitant at first, and Jesse wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of me leaving, with my Law School interview being on Monday, but I couldn't just let Deanna go off by herself. I'd packed some stuff up, a clean plaid shirt, a pair of shorts and my knife from under the bed, before reassuring Jesse one last time and heading out.

Deanna played me the last voicemail message Mom had left her prior to her disappearance, and then we hit the road.

We had to stop for gas at a Gas 'n' Sip just outside of Palo Alto, and that's where I'd found this old thing. Thought it would give me something to do on the drive to Jericho. Don't know what I'm gonna' use it for, maybe I could take notes with it in my Law School audition? Either way, I need to remember to hide it from Bradie cause' she would steal it if I just left it lying around.

I miss Jesse already. It's only been a few hours too, On second thoughts, I should probably hide this from Deanna too, or I'd never hear the end of it if she saw all that soppiness. Total violation of the no chick flick moments rule.

Deanna hasn't said much since we left Stanford. I'm trying to work out whether she's giving me the cold shoulder or just simply pissed off in general. Her body language appears to be in my favour, but she's too quiet. If we finish this hunt and she hasn't made a comment about me ditching her and Mom for Stanford, it'll be a miracle. Ugh…wish me luck.


	2. November 1st, 2005 - Centennial Highway

So if it wasn't bad enough that Deanna made me pretend to be a Federal Marshall, which is extremely illegal in all states, I also had to show this when asked for my badge.

This!

Apparently she stole it from some Marshall, I didn't ask for the nitty gritties because I had a feeling it wasn't going to be overly PG13. Anyway, this is what I had to work with. Luckily they didn't notice.

I'm actually gonna' kill her. Luckily for me (bad for her), there's an arsenal in the trunk full of all kinda of fun weapons to do the job with.

She also keeps calling me Sammy…

Need I say more?


	3. November 1st, 2005 - Crappy Motel

So much has happened since I last wrote in this thing that I don't know where to begin. First we discovered more about this Constance woman, then went to the bridge she jumped from. Everyone was fine at first, then Deanna started talking about finding out more and the length of time that the hunt might take. I had reminded her about my interview on Monday, and then all hell broke loose.

She started questioning me about Jesse, asking me whether I'd told him about what was out there.

I told her that he was never going to know, which Deanna then responded with a muttered comment under her breath about how healthy our relationship.

_"You're one of us, Sammy."_

_"It's Samantha, or Sam. Take your pick. And I am not one of you. This is not going to be my life. I have a future and a boyfriend who doesn't know about all this crap, and it's nice because at Stanford I can actually have something that resembles a normal life. Yes I sleep with a knife under the bed just in case, and yes I always make sure that we do have some salt in the apartment, but it's still a billion times more normal than this."_

_"I don't want to do this, De…"_

_Deanna had calmed down too. "Sam, we have a responsibility to…"_

_"To what? To Mom, and her crusade? De, if it wasn't for pictures, I wouldn't even know what Dad looks like. Even if we did find the thing that killed him, what difference would it make? Dad's dead, and he's never coming back."_

Deanna, full to bursting with rage had crossed the bridge to me and grabbed me by the collar of my plaid shirt, forcing me backwards until my back hit the metal supports of the bridge.

_"Don't talk about him like that!"_

And then Constance dicked with the Impala, which leads on to the point of why I'm now sat on one of the beds in some crappy motel with the sound of Deanna's horrific singing coming from the bathroom. We were never gonna' outrun the Impala, so we had to jump. I luckily managed to hang onto the side of the bridge, but Deanna fell into the river.

Ugh, she smelled like a toilet. It was disgusting.

So we found the nearest motel, discovered that Mom is was staying here, and then Deanna went to shower.

I was going to ring Jesse, then remembered the time difference and decided against it. He had however left me a voicemail message basically saying that he loved me and that I should come home soon.

After that I started writing this entry while I was waiting for Deanna to get out the shower. The time spent in, I knew for a fact that there wasn't gonna' be any hot water left, so there went my plan to have a shower tonight, thanks Deanna.

Deanna left like a minute ago to get food…


	4. November 1st, 2005 - Impala

I never got to finish my last entry because Deanna rang.

_"Dude, Five-O, take off."_

_"What about you?"_

_"Uh, they kinda spotted me. Go find Mom."_

I had to bolt quickly and grab the Impala before the cops outside the motel room noticed me.

My first stop was Welch house to see Joseph Welch, Constance's former husband. He was co-operative at first but threw me off his property when I explained the lore surrounding women in white and their unfaithful husbands. He did say that he had made some mistakes, but then got angry when I suggested the idea that Constance could have drown their kids in the bathtub. Most people would I suppose. I didn't take it personally.

Sat in the Impala, I've just rang the Sheriff's department to report the sound of gunfire out on Whiteford Road, so hopefully that should buy Deanna some time to get out of the station.

Next for me is the Welch's old house.


	5. November 1st, 2005 - Impala Again

Ouch. My chest hurts. That stupid ghost bitch attacked me. I don't even know what she did, all I know is my t-shirt's ruined.

Deanna showed up just in time to shoot the thing. She just kept reappearing though so I had to think quickly. Putting the Impala into gear, I had slammed on the accelerator and drove her straight through the rotted wood of the building supports and into the house.

I took her home.

After Deanna pulled me from the Impala, we got trapped by a dresser by ghost bitch.

Not that we really had to do anything.

Two kids that looked like something from The Shining appeared at the top of the stairs.

_"You've come home to us, Mommy."_

Fucking creepy.

Anyway the bitch is dead. Not that she wasn't anyway, but you know what I mean.

We're back in the Impala now.

I've been looking through Mom's journal. Deanna found it in the Police Station along with a set of a co-ordinates.

**DEANNA 35-111**

The co-ordinates were for Blackwater Ridge, Colorado. Deanna had been chatty as she suggested that we go and check it out, but she's silent again now because I told her that I had to go to my interview. She was clearly disappointed when I explained that it was only like 10 hours away and I had to be there for it.

All I got in reply was a simple.

_"I'll take you home."_


	6. November 9th, 2005

It has been a week since he died. Since…since I found him burning on the ceiling of our apartment. Above the bed we used to share. In that week, I've felt sick every day. That sort of sickness where you know that you're not sick at all, it's just you. Your mind making you feel as crappy as possible. Just another thing to pile onto the mountain of shit things making you feel forty billion times worse.

I can still see him. He haunts my dreams. Everytime I close my eyes, he's there. Either burning on the ceiling, or asking me "Why?". "Why did you let it kill me?" Everytime I attempt to fall asleep, I'm back in our apartment.

_Lying on the bed looking up at him. The sound of the apartment door slamming closed, trapping me inside the room. The flames spreading furiously. The sound of splintering wood, a scream and then arms wrapping around me. Deanna's arms, pulling me up from the bed as she tightened her grip so that I couldn't squirm free and attempt to rescue Jesse._

_I remember screaming for him, even after Deanna had successfully gotten me out of the apartment and down the main staircase of the building. I didn't stop until we passed the threshold._

_I remember breaking down, painful sobs wracking me. My knees giving way beneath me, but no blunt impact. Instead I was lowered gently down to the ground by Deanna's strong arms which then pulled me close and wrapped around me comfortingly. I rested my head against her chest as I continued to cry. Deanna stroked my hair softly as she leant her head on top of my mine and offered soothing reassurance. My cries only ceased as I hacked into Deanna's brown leather jacket, my sister then began rubbing my back to try and clear the coughing fit._

_The paramedics, not having previously noticed me, came rushing over._

_"Miss, are you okay?"_

_I nodded._

_"She needs checked out, she was in the apartment where the fire started."_

_This triggered an immediate response from them as they gave instructions to Deanna._

_I suddenly myself lost for breath, as I my lungs were struggling for oxygen. That's all I remembered._

_When I woke up again, I was in Deanna's arms and she was crying. My eyes were flickering as I struggled to hold onto whatever I was falling in and out of._

_"Sammy…" Deanna noticed that my eyes were open and looked down at me. "You hold on okay?" She sniffled as more tears fell._

_And then I fell again._

_Waking up this time was much more pleasant than the previous, despite the fact that my throat still hurt. I flickered my eyes open to find myself looking up at a plain white hospital ceiling. I began to take in my surroundings. Endless white panels with long, yellow tinged lights that were both dull and too bright at the same time seemed to stretch off infinitely above me. The beeping of a machine accompanied the sound of any generic American hospitals hustle and bustle, or in this case, a generic American hospital room with the door open. The tickle in my nose also drew my attention to a plastic nasal cannula that was tucked slightly into my nostrils and supplying oxygen, obviously to help me breath._

_"Sam?"_

_Flickering my eyes fully open, I turned to see Deanna sat in a leather chair beside my hospital bed with a tired, worried expression. I smiled drowsily._

_"Hey…" My weak voice accompanied it._

_"Don't try and talk, the doctor said that the smoke has fucked your throat up a bit. Should clear in a couple of days though." She explained before relaxing slightly as she clearly stopped and took in the sight of me awake. "Thank god you're okay." Deanna smiled equally softly before taking a deep breath. "Jesus Sammy, you scared me."_

_"Sorry." I apologised._

_She smiled once again. "Wasn't your fault…and neither was what happened."_

_"De…"_

_"Please don't torture yourself about it, there's nothing you could have done."_

_"I could have saved him."_

_"Sammy, you didn't know."_

_I sighed, shifting slightly on the bed, eyes tiredly flickering as I leant into the soft white pillow._

_Deanna stroked a hand gently through my hair, pushing a strand behind my ear. "Get some sleep." Her soft tone was protective and caring. "I'll be here when you wake up."_

_"Need to call Jesse's parents." I mumbled into the pillow._

_"That's the police's job, not yours. They'll deal with it. You just worry about you and get some sleep."_

_So I did._

_I was out of the hospital three days later, once the doctors were happy with my progress, and Deanna had booked us into a small motel on the outskirts of Palo Alto. We couldn't go far because we both knew that the funeral would be in a few days and that there was no point in driving somewhere just to come all the way back. Not that we could go far anyway. I was tired from my hospital treatment, and spent most days sleeping. The doctor had given us an oxygen canister and a nasal cannula which I had to wear when sleeping and when I found myself short of breath._

_I was used to sleeping with the cannula on now, so it didn't bother me. I could easily sleep through the night wearing it, it was only when I moved around in bed that it could sometimes fall off. This wasn't really a problem though because it was never off for long if it did fall off because the cannula would magically be back under my nose, with the tubes once again wrapped around the backs of my ears, without me having to do anything. The day when I no longer had to use this thing would be a god send, because Deanna wasn't get much sleep at the moment through worrying about me and my cannula, and it was clearly showing in the bags under her eyes. On top of that, she had also put herself in charge of handling everything._

_It was the day after we got out the hospital, and I awoke to the sound of Deanna having an argument down the phone._

_I didn't make it known that I was awake as I listened in to her conversation._

_"My sister had nothing to do with this. It was a fire for fuck sake!" Deanna shouted._

_Oh god…_

_"No, you won't. She's sleeping so no, you're not talking to her…" She paused, obviously listening to the Moore's reply. "We just got out of the hospital yesterday. Sam was treated for smoke inhalation and is still on an oxygen cannula for it so she's still recovering. That's why she can't come to the phone right now, not because she's purposely ignoring you. She doesn't even know that you've been ringing. I haven't told her because the doctors said that it's not ideal for her to be stressed right now. She's been struggling for oxygen enough already." Deanna paused once again. "Look, I know you're just looking out for your son, but you gotta' understand that I've gotta' look out for my sister here too."_

_There was silence before Deanna's reply came._

_"I'm taking Sam to pay her respects." Stated Deanna's blunt tone. "Even if it's a few hours after the funeral, she's going. You can't stop us."_

_More silence._

_"Jesse was her boyfriend, and you're banning her from the funeral because of some stupid, false accusations." She paused. "Jesse wouldn't want this. He'd want his girlfriend at that funeral sat front and centre. You gotta' accept Jesse's wishes."_

_The silence that followed obviously brought better news because through my slightly open eye I could see her expression change to a small smile. "Thank you." She then hung up._

_I closed my eyes._

_The sound of footsteps could be heard as Deanna walked over to my bed and rested a hand gently on my shoulder. "I wasn't gonna' let them stop you from seeing your boyfriend one last time, Sammy." She then sighed. "Jesse seemed like a great kid…" Deanna paused once again. "I'm proud of you, kiddo."_

_The funeral was painful and made me never want to attend another ever again. Funerals are morbid in their very nature due to the type of the event taking place and its significance, but I found myself wanting to do nothing more than sprint out of the doors of the church and never set a foot back inside ever again._

_Deanna's hand on my knee brought me back from my thoughts. She wordlessly asked 'you okay?' to which I nodded._

_'Liar.' She'd followed._

_After the service, we followed the procession out to the graveyard where the coffin was buried and Jesse's Mom, Dad, Sister and Auntie all said a few words before dropping some dirt down into the grave. I was thankful in the fact that I didn't have to speak._

_Deanna noticed that I was shaking and took my hand in hers before squeezing it in reassurance, all without drawing attention to us, like she knew I was panicked about doing._

_Once over, I walked back over to the Impala, which was parked just outside the cemetery gates, and opened the passenger door. Sitting down sideways on my seat so that my legs were out of the car, I buried my head in my hands and took a couple of deep breaths._

_"You okay?" Deanna repeated her words from earlier, her big sister senses instantly knowing that grief wasn't the only thing that was affecting me. "I knew being out this long was a mistake."_

_"Deanna, I'm fine." I stated. "Just a little sore that's all. And anyway, the doctor said I've just got to get used to breathing without the cannula. They've done all the tests to check and they're fine. I'm just sore, and tired, it's not my lungs."_

_Deanna nodded. "I believe you. But you better not be lying to me." She smiled before walking round the Impala and climbing in._

_"Why don't we go check out Blackwater Ridge?" I suggested._

_"No."_

_"De…"_

_"No, Sam." She stated definately._

_"Why?"_

_"Because you're still recovering. We're not going hunting."_

_"I just told you I'm fine."_

_"And it was total bull. We're not going."_

_"Mom's still out there somewhere, De…"_

_"Since when did you start caring?" Deanna blurted before realising what she'd said. "Sam…"_

_"It's okay." I smiled. "Honestly, it's okay." I paused. "To be honest, I just really want to leave this town."_

_Deanna paused for a few seconds before she sighed. "Fine." She put the Impala in gear. "We'll go back to the motel, get changed then hit the road and see what's going on in Blackwater Ridge."_


End file.
